I promise I’m not crazy. Or at
least that’s what I keep telling myself.
I carry around a lot of guilt,
thanks to Jesus, I frequently think it’s time to quit drinking, though what fun
would that be, and I start a thousand things that I never finish, which may
prove bad karma in the bedroom department.
Last night I walked home from the bar, after having basically told my
friend Jen that her “man friend”, Andrew, had hit on me while she was in the
bathroom. In one word or another he made it very clear that “he was keeping his
options open”. Very clear to a drinking
person that is. “Jen is a great gal, you should hold on to her” I exclaim, his
mouth moves and I hear “options open”. “Don’t wanna let that one go,” I say
trying to steer him in the right direction, but alas, he is unsteerable, and on
all accounts in my humble opinion, an asshole. I didn’t even bother mentioning
to Jen that when they had first arrived together, I had caught Andrew looking
my way more than once. He hadn’t known at that point that Jen and I were even
friends. Now I’m okay looking, but it’s not like I steal boyfriends for a
living. It’s quite the opposite really and I cannot even remember the last time
I was asked out.
Andrew eventually left the table for a minute and Jen turns to me and asks,
“Are you attracted to him?” “NO!” I immediately reply, irritated that she would
ask if I was attracted to such a horrible person. “Well you were flirting with
him,” she says. In all honesty, as I can recall, I was not flirting with him. I
didn’t find him attractive before our keeping it open conversation, and I
didn’t find him attractive afterward either. I start to mutter something back
to Jen about how I was only flirting with him because I felt safe, you know,
because he was taken. (Makes perfect sense). “Why would you even flirt with him?”
she is questioning, while I’m trying to explain that I wasn’t really flirting,
and that it was just fun conversation and on and on digging myself further down
into the hole.
I
don’t honestly recall, “flirting”. I only recall friendly banter that I rarely
find in people, so when I do find it, it’s quite fun. But it has me feeling
guilty none-the-less for being a bad friend who is a flirting home wrecker.
What comes next after flirting with a single guy that my friend likes”?
Probably a married man. I end up biting my nails with guilt and chain-smoking
electronic cigarettes all day long, while I think back to the day it all
started with me not even flirting with a single guy.
I haven’t even gotten to the part after the walk home from the bar… Poor guy.
